I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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