I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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