Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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