they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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