so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
