? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize