He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
