The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
