You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i barfeds in our rink
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
