Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
