I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
