She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
