Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
