Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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