just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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