My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
