Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
