So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
