; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
