just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
