4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
