you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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