Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
