why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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