Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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