Its about making memories worth repressing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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