I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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