Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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