I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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