I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
