Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
