Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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