Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
