He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
