we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
