singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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