I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
