I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
