bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
