I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
