You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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