I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize