just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
