Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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