He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
