U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
