Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
