the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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