okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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