haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
