I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
