Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
