I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
