I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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