well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
