Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
