I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
