dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
