I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
