um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
