My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
