I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
