When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
