Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
