Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
