just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
