i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
