You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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