I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
