oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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